Should I take a year out?

I planned the title of this blog post a few days ago, when I was feeling rather despondent about how my course was going. I was increasingly (and in my view, unnecessarily) worried that I wasn't keeping up with the rather brisk pace, and that I would be let loose on the wards with little idea how to approach patients. I was also very concerned that I didn't have enough emotional maturity to continue with the course - being on the wards and seeing patients was incredibly emotionally stressful for me in the first few days, and my feelings would rollercoast (is that a verb?) through fascination, exhilaration, concern, distress and worry in the space of a few hours. As I move well into my second week however, I'm getting used to the routine of seeing patients, and am getting used to dealing with the large amount of emotional (and physical) baggage they bring with them. I'm feeling more confident in my approach to history taking, examination and basic invasive procedures such as taking blood. Also, I think I'm more accepting of the fact that sometimes, I won't know what to do. I won't be sure I'm doing something right, and I might get confused and make mistakes. These things are all part of the learning curve, and the fact that I make mistakes doesn't mean I'm not ready for the course.

All of this seems a little obvious in retrospect, and indeed we were warned about the potential of being so overwhelmed in our introductory lectures. I guess though that nothing can really prepare you for the huge change of spending lots of time with patients in a hospital setting, and that such a change affects everyone (albeit by differing degrees). I really hope I've now found some kind of stability that I can build on over the next few weeks to really get to grips with the basics of clinical practice.

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