Lenten resolutions - regret and contemplation
I haven't given up anything this Lent. I didn't fast on Ash Wednesday (admittedly because I had a really busy day just before my exams) and I didn't even make it to Mass. I haven't stuck so far to my Lenten resolutions, in which I tried to think about my development and creating opportunities to oppose the routine busy-ness of my life, to get to know God among many other things. They were/are very simple: to give thanks to God weekly for all that I have (which I thankfully manage at prayer group) and to set aside just 5 minutes every day to pray in a non-directional way. Not asking for things, not expecting things, just being.
I had exams yesterday and have had things to do more-or-less constantly since Lent began. However, I confess that I feel totally removed from the spirit of it this year, and that does trouble me. I realize that I'm very used to the rhythm of the Church's year - as well as the celebrations of Christmas and Easter, the times of penitence and reflection which precede them are also very familiar to me, and now I feel less of a part of those times, I'm struck unexpectedly by what I've lost. It's comforting to have time set aside in the year to think about what we've done wrong, how we can change and get better. In my head it's akin to the rocking motion which will be so familiar to parents everywhere, or the routines of school or work life - there's comfort in routine and repeated patterns.
Of course, the season of Lent isn't over and I guess that leaves me with some time to get back into the swing of things - but for some reason that feels harder this year. I'm going to have to think of practical things I can do, perhaps going to Mass more often or saying the rosary more frequently than I currently do. I feel like I'm not yet at the point where I can reliably concentrate on God for 5 minutes, and sometimes I wonder whether that'll ever be possible given the strength of my other commitments. But then I guess part of the point of Lent is to try.
The other thing I wanted to say about Lent is based on Sr. Catherine Wybourne's excellent blog post on Lent, which I read today: http://www.ibenedictines.org/2015/02/26/constant-failures/ It contains a line which still hits me hard:
As I walked yesterday I saw example upon example of people doing what I increasingly feel I should be doing this Lent - reaching out in some way, using their love for other people to break barriers of hesitancy, individualism, laziness.
(Incidentally, this is definitely an advantage of walking vs. cycling - maybe I should make time in my day to get places slower and watch more as I walk!)
So, I've slightly changed my Lenten resolution to include three (!) things; in addition to my commitments to giving thanks for what I have and to prayer, I'll include a general (for now) exhortation for me to watch and think about and listen to other people. If I'm going to change, I think I need to start by paying more attention to what goes on outside of my own head - I need to leave my thoughts behind and immerse myself more in the voices and actions and feelings of others, especially others who are not listened to enough by the rest of society. It's an important lesson about Lent which I hope I can keep in mind in the future.
I had exams yesterday and have had things to do more-or-less constantly since Lent began. However, I confess that I feel totally removed from the spirit of it this year, and that does trouble me. I realize that I'm very used to the rhythm of the Church's year - as well as the celebrations of Christmas and Easter, the times of penitence and reflection which precede them are also very familiar to me, and now I feel less of a part of those times, I'm struck unexpectedly by what I've lost. It's comforting to have time set aside in the year to think about what we've done wrong, how we can change and get better. In my head it's akin to the rocking motion which will be so familiar to parents everywhere, or the routines of school or work life - there's comfort in routine and repeated patterns.
Of course, the season of Lent isn't over and I guess that leaves me with some time to get back into the swing of things - but for some reason that feels harder this year. I'm going to have to think of practical things I can do, perhaps going to Mass more often or saying the rosary more frequently than I currently do. I feel like I'm not yet at the point where I can reliably concentrate on God for 5 minutes, and sometimes I wonder whether that'll ever be possible given the strength of my other commitments. But then I guess part of the point of Lent is to try.
The other thing I wanted to say about Lent is based on Sr. Catherine Wybourne's excellent blog post on Lent, which I read today: http://www.ibenedictines.org/2015/02/26/constant-failures/ It contains a line which still hits me hard:
"The trouble with Lenten reflections is that very often they are about us."Sometimes I can really appreciate how individualistic my Lenten reflections are, to the point where they ignore so many of the chances I have in life to help others and learn from others that I miss, all the time. It really struck me yesterday while walking through Oxford that there are so many people in the centre of town on the streets and that I learn from them even while I walk past them, refusing to give them anything. There was a man who I've seen a lot around the centre of town who plays guitar and sings really well, and I wish I just stopped more often to listen to him. I feel like I learn just from standing there hearing him play. There are also lots of other people on the streets who I've seen being helped by organizations like St. Vincent de Paul or the Companions of Malta (who advertise for volunteers all the time) or simply people passing by who want to take the time to interact and get to know another person, and help them out if they can.
As I walked yesterday I saw example upon example of people doing what I increasingly feel I should be doing this Lent - reaching out in some way, using their love for other people to break barriers of hesitancy, individualism, laziness.
(Incidentally, this is definitely an advantage of walking vs. cycling - maybe I should make time in my day to get places slower and watch more as I walk!)
So, I've slightly changed my Lenten resolution to include three (!) things; in addition to my commitments to giving thanks for what I have and to prayer, I'll include a general (for now) exhortation for me to watch and think about and listen to other people. If I'm going to change, I think I need to start by paying more attention to what goes on outside of my own head - I need to leave my thoughts behind and immerse myself more in the voices and actions and feelings of others, especially others who are not listened to enough by the rest of society. It's an important lesson about Lent which I hope I can keep in mind in the future.
Comments
Post a Comment